Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The garden of sadness today...

"No one worries about you like your Mother...and when she's gone, the world seems unsafe.
You can't turn to her anymore and it changes your life forever."  
excerpt from Big Stone Gap - movie

These two sentences struck me profound and left me surprisingly sad for most of the day.
It rings true that when a loved one passes on, life as you know it is different.
As time moves on you learn how different....how your mind doesn't shut off...how your thoughts continue to unravel...how you hurt with love...how dehydrated you become from continual tears flowing and how sad your soul sings from inside out.

Whether I am overcome with sadness from the tragedy that unfolded in Orlando this past weekend or the realization that my oldest companion might not be around much longer or that I just truly miss my Mom...whatever the truth, I am still sad with the way these losses have happened or will happen.  It seems that life is a miracle and death just happens.   Whether it happens horribly, tragically, peacefully or simply, the truth is, it eventually happens to all of us.

  I started to write this post with a remembrance of my Mom and Grandmother and how their love of gardening made me who I am.   How I wish their knowledge and memories of life and gardening could have been uploaded from their mind some how or at the very least simply recorded.   But it never was.   Could I have been a better listener growing up, maybe, but for now I feel I have to learn on my own.  I want to learn how they did, not by the internet but by trial and error.  Let nature teach me what works and what I need to change.   I want to make it mean more to me that I had to work hard for something.  

So now when I am in my garden, I remember my Mom and Grandmother.  I talk to them...I ask them questions...I try to fill my mind with all of who they are...I want them to be proud of me and for them to guide me in my garden and in life.   Since my emotions took over I figured I would just go with it....a post of a different kind.   So please reach out to your loved ones & just love them & talk to them.   I thank you all for being a part of my life and love you too!

With many best wishes and lots of love,

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